Not long ago, I was in COSTCO buying, among other things, a large bag of Purina Dog Chow to donate to a local animal shelter. (My newest little angel, Duffy prefers the more expensive, Little Cesar.) Regardless, while I was standing in the long check-out line the woman ahead of me turned around and asked me if I had a dog. What a stupid question, I thought. What did she think I had; an elephant? I thought about just answering “yes” and leaving it at that, after all; perhaps she was just as bored as I was and was just trying to make conversation to pass time. However, since I was incredibly bored, I decided to have some fun to pass the time. I told her that “no” I didn’t have a dog and that I was starting the Purina Dog Food diet again.
“I probably shouldn’t”, I added “because the last time I ended up in the hospital.” The woman’s jaw dropped open in surprise, so I went on. “Yes,” I said “but the good thing was that I had lost almost 30 pounds by the time I awakened from my coma in the Intensive Care ward.” I sighed. “It’s the most perfect diet I’ve ever been on.” I told her. “All you have to do is load up your handbag and pockets with the kibble and just pop a few into your mouth every time you feel hungry. The Purina label says that the food is nutritionally complete and since it worked so well the first time I thought I’d try it again.” I grinned. By now, I noticed that everyone within earshot of me was completely enthralled with my story.
The woman looked absolutely horrified and asked me if I was poisoned by the dog food and wound up in a Coma from the diet the first time, why on earth would I do it again? I shook my head. “No,” I told her “it wasn’t the food that caused my coma. I stepped off a curb to sniff a German Shepard’s butt and a car hit me.” I thought the man behind me was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. As for me, by this time I was laughing as well. And – I‘ll never know how I managed to keep a straight face for as long as I did. I guess, the devil made me do it! ~dfh